So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
