Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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