I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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