I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
