I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
