You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
