I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize