hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
