Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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