i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
