I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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