looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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