Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
