That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize