Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
