i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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