When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
