And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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