I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
