she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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