You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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