It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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