I accidentally burped into my bong.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
