dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
