i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
