Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
