My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
