I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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