You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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