so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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