You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize