Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
