her vagine was all disorganized.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
