My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
