Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
be right there i have to get my cape
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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