One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
