I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
