Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
