Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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