So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
