I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize