I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
