broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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