hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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