Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
