Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
well you can't waste a boner
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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