I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
