Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
