I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
