I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
