If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
