Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize