Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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