Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
