she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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