I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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