This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
