Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
