if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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