I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
