Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
