How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
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