i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
