I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
There's even glitter on my cock...
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