Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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