walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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