After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
