You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
