I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
