Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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