i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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