My nipple is on Facebook.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
